It's almost 2:00, and by my watch, that means I've been talking to these guys in various forms for, oh, about 1 1/2 hours now. First was the impatient Indian fellow, who I affectionately refer to as "Mohinder". He sounded just like the Indian character on "Heroes", so in my mind that's who he looks like. After 30 minutes, he decided he could not help me and basically pawned me off on...
"Brad", who I'm now chatting with. Coincidentally, Brad's phrasing and word choice sounds a lot more "Mohinder", and a lot less "Brad". However, the good thing about online chat, versus telephone support, is that I can play on the computer while "Brad" is working away. Here's our discussion with a little editing to amuse myself...
Sara: Laptop began automatic updates last night, and asked to restart. Had trouble getting computer started again. Since then, cannot use wireless internet from laptop. Router is still working.
[An agent will be with you shortly. Maybe within 45 minutes if you are lucky. Go ahead and finish "War and Peace".][You are now chatting with Brad .]
Brad : Welcome to HP Total Care for Laptops. My name is not really Brad, but I thought that sounded trustworthy and totally American computer-geek-next-door. Please give me another 45 minutes while I review the issue, or perhaps surf the internet for reviews on the new "Star Trek" movie.
Brad : Hello Sara. How are doing today?
Sara : Hi Brad. I'm fine. Great, actually. It's 2:00 and I'm chatting with a faux-Brad about my laptop.
Brad : Not to worry Sara. Let me check how I can help you today to resolve the issue. Don't be alarmed by the fact that I had to consult my manual immediately upon hearing your issue.
Brad : If I understand the issue correctly, after installing the updates on your laptop,you are not able to connect wirellesly with your notebook. Am I correct?
Sara: Yes.
Brad : Thank so much for your information.
Brad : May I know the Wireless lights are glowing on your notebook?
Sara : Which are they? I am already seeing glowing lights everywhere after staring at two computer screens late into the night!!!
Brad : I will be pleased to help you in this regard. Yep, I am totally not sounding like someone still trying to master the English language.
Several minutes pass...
Sara: Are you still there? Stay with me, "Brad"...
Brad : Yes I am there (wiping the drool off of his keyboard...)
Sara: Okay, sorry.
Brad : Not a problem Sara.
Brad : I am just looking for the product manuals so that you can check for the Wireless lights are glowing or not.
Sara: Yeah, that's what I call it when I zone out, too.
Sara: The wireless button is on.
Brad : Alright Sara.
Brad : Sara, have you downgraded your system?
Sara: (Blank stare at the computer screen)
Brad : I meant to say, from Vista operating system to XP?
Sara: Not intentionally.
Brad : Alright Sara.
Sara: Laptop has Vista.
Brad : Alright Sara. American idiot.
Brad : Not to worry Sara. I will try my best to find a solution to resolve the issue today.
Brad : May I know have you created any restore point on your notebook?
Sara: Huh?
Brad : Alright Sara. (rolls his eyes)
Brad : As the system was working fine till yesterday, we can resolve the issue by doing system restore.
Brad : May I please place the chat session on hold while I research on the tool and get you the correct information needed?
Sara Mahan : Sure. I'll minimize this screen so I can write totally uncalled-for comments about you on my blog.
Brad : Thank you so much. I will be right back within 3 minutes.
Brad : Thank you for being on hold.
Sara Mahan : No problem. I like to be accommodating when I have NO OTHER CHOICE!!!
Brad : Shall we go ahead with the steps to do System Restore?
Sara : We can try - can you tell me a little about it first?
Brad : Sure Sara.
Brad : Sara, the data which you have saved will not be lossed. But the changes which you have made will be lossed.
Sara Mahan : Do you mean, anything entered on the software will not be lost? What do you mean "changes"?
Brad : Yes, if you have saved the data when you have entered will not be lossed.
Sara Mahan : What exactly will be lost? Besides my mind!!
Brad : Please give me couple of minutes.
Sara: Sure. I will be "lossed" in thoughts of throwing my computer out the window...
Blah...blah...blah...
It's after 3:00 a.m. My eyes and head really hurt. I am thirsty. I am dying to get into bed. "Brad" is still pondering the best way to solve our computer issues. I'm losing confidence in his ability to keep us from losing a bunch of stuff from our computer. But worst of all...I am starting to enjoy "Brad's" quirky spelling/sentence structures.
Luckily, as I was typing that last paragraph, Brad's chat window popped up to save the day!!!
Brad : I think we can do alternate steps. I will give you the wireless drivers please download it and then install it. Then you need to restart the notebook.Sara : What is that?
Brad : I will explain it to you. This is the device drivers for the wireless card. To connect to the wireless this driver is required. This should resolve the issue. The wireless drivers I have given as a work around steps so that you will not loose any data or else if you perform restore you may loose some of data. I hope I have provided all the information.
Sara: What does that mean?
Brad : (Ignores my question.) You can save the above chat session at the end of the chat. By pressing the END CHAT in the chat window.
Sara : I do not have a flash drive at this time. Would it be possible for me to get one tomorrow and do the download/transfer then?
Brad : Thats great Idea!!! Do I detect a little sarcasm from you, "Brad"? Well played.
Brad : You can perform them if you have the flash drive. Or if your friends have the flash drive you can borrow it for one day.
Sara: Umm...I don't know anyone with "the flash drive" I can borrow for a day. I can get one somewhere. How do I keep this from happening again?
Brad : Sara, please turn off the windows update. I hope from here onwards you can take control of your notebook.
Sara: Was that an insult? Control your notebook, Sara! Thanks so much for your help.
And then...
Brad : It is my pleasure assiting such a fiendly customer like you.
Me: Fiendly? Surely that was not a Freudian slip. Thanks again.
3:52 Sara signing off. Sorry for this lengthy post. It's really amazing to see what your brain thinks is funny late at night (or early in the morning).
Please feel free to revisit once I've had some sleep and can think more coherently.
2 comments:
I think I just peed my pants! That post was hilarious! I feel the same way when dealing with "computer guys!" They totally don't speak my language!
Hahaha! Funny because it is true...one never knows what to think when talking to these people (and by 'one' I mean an American, and by 'these people' I mean software technicians or whatever-they-call-themselves, not Indians).
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